If God isn’t real then it really doesn’t matter, and when I say “it” I mean everything, and nothing. Nothing really matters, everything is meaningless. If God isn’t real, then there is no point to you or me. No one really cares, no one is able to. If God isn’t real then there is no purpose. You can invent your own sure, but that’s just what it is, an invention. It’s something you tell yourself to get through the day, it’s something you tell yourself to sleep at night, it’s something you tell yourself to make believe that you’re ok. Because if God isn’t real, you’re not ok.
If God isn’t real there is no law. Everything is ok. It’s ok in the sense that it doesn’t matter. Because if God isn’t real we’re just playing show. We’re pretending that we’re different, pretending that we’re special, pretending like we’re not just another dumb animal. If God isn’t real that’s exactly what we are. We’re nothing but self-serving, parasites who have invented the most elaborate game to make sure that we make more of ourselves. And most worst of all we’re a fluke, an accident. If God isn’t real that is where it ends. You wake up, you sleep, maybe you procreate, you die, you go in the ground, you sleep and don’t wake up again. If God isn’t real, then living to be remembered is laughable. History doesn’t care, with enough time (and there is more than enough) everyone will be forgotten.
If God isn’t real then take what’s yours. The only thing that is stopping you is the threat of pain. If God isn’t real then our law is a matter of convenience, an agreed upon set of rules invented once again by pretenders. Break it when you see fit, when it serves you best, because the only rule is to make sure you keep on living. If God isn’t real crime is relative, it’s simply whether or not you believe it to be one, or if a larger group of people than you do, or someone bigger, someone stronger. If God isn’t real then lying is relative. Lie to your wife, your husband, your friends, and your family as long as it serves you best. If God isn’t real, others are there just to make sure you’re better off. Your friends are for amusement, for chuckles, for false purpose, for a distraction from harsh reality. Your family is but an advanced animal pack, simply adapted to make sure you live. Take from them what you need, keep your seed going.
If God isn’t real then steal. There’s nothing wrong with it, unless it ends up hurting you, if it doesn’t, do it. If God isn’t real then murder is relative, rape but an expression of instinct. These things are only enforced by a larger animal pack. If God isn’t real, then a cannibalistic rapist is but a matter of perspective. If God isn’t real then relationships are but stories in a storybook. There is no moral, there is no happy ending, take what’s yours now, live for what you want, everyone and everything is but a pleasure or pain stimulus.
If God isn’t real then you don’t matter. Neither do the people around you. You should be on edge, because if they find that out too…
If God isn’t real you have every reason to be afraid. If there is no higher being, if there is no higher purpose, or if that purpose be malicious, or false, or tricksy, lying, hateful, indignant, indifferent, or worst of all make believe…then what reason for hope? What reason do you have to hope? It is a game, pretend, you are playing Candyland but with the very conscious and sanity of the human mind. If you are not afraid you are pushing the truth out of your head, if you do not lust after anything that brings you pleasure then you’re wasting your time, if you are not depressed then you’re just plain ignorant, and ignorance bliss, and bliss simply naiveté.
The problem with believing that God isn’t real does not come from the big questions. The questions like…why do bad things happen to good people? Why were we created? Why is there evil in the world? What about Jesus? What about Muhammad? What about Buddha? Why do natural disasters happen? Why is their war? Why is their suffering? For these questions do have answers. No…those who do not wish to believe in God simply cannot answer one question…why do I suffer? Why do I feel so much pain? Why did You let this happen to me? Why did my friend have to die? Why did my grandmother die? My father? Why did my wife leave me? Why did my husband cheat on me? Why did I lose my job? Why can’t I find another one? Why did my wife lie to me? Why am I gaining weight? Why am I addicted? Why am I poor? These are the questions that can go unanswered, maybe forever, these are the questions that don’t always have a specific solution, and these are the questions that make us so angry at a God that we pretend we don’t think He is real. It is the natural course of a developed mind to look for a higher purpose, a bigger picture, an ultimate meaning. Those who have reasoned themselves not to believe in it, do so out of an ever so apparent anger, and rightly so. To believe in God takes faith, it takes looking past an ever so personal pain. It does not have to defy reason, it does not have to forego intellect, but it must be, at its most ultimate point, its apex, its crux…faith. Sight is not belief, knowing is not trust, rape for one’s own good is still rape…and God is a gentleman…
This is where I would normally end the blog…I mean it was the most dramatic point right? But I wanted to let people know I wrote this at a very real point in my life. A point where I so desperately wanted to not believe in God anymore, but I just… couldn’t. I also wanted to say if anyone is still reading this, please comment. If you just came across it somehow, please comment. Even if it is “you’re a moron.” I’d like a little more explanation to why, but still. Also very importantly as well I am going to stop beating around the bush. I want to write. I have pages and pages and pages of thoughts, and lots way more developed then what is above. I also believe I have a lot that are new, that are genuine, and that are real and most importantly that I truly believe to meaningful and full of purpose. I want to write a book, books. I want people to read, because when I talk face to face with individuals about these thoughts I get nothing but amazing feedback that it really touched how they think and live in reality. If you can help make this happen say so, if you have advice say so, if you want to sponsor me say so, if you are a publisher, an editor, anyone with a cause or means…say so. It’s getting to the point that something has got to happen, I don’t want fame or fortune, I just would like to be able to make a living and for my wife and I not to have to leave our apartment and live with our parents, or for me to have to give up on a dream and start filling out the fast food applications. I’m going to keep on going as well; I don’t know how to stop anyways.
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4 comments:
Kevin,
I like all that you have written here. I can tell that this was penned under actual circumstances -you can't fabricate this kind of emotion. I would encourage you as strongly as I can to continue writing along this vein, and eventually you will strike true gold. (What you begin discussing here is but the tip of the wealth of wisdom that I know is beneath the surface). I can't offer you a publishing deal unfortunately or a grant, but I offer my prayers and blog comments (for what they are worth!) Keep writing man!
You have touched upon a couple of the basic concepts of the existentialist movement, namely absurdity and to some degree anxiety. But a face-to-face encounter with the meaninglessness of reality, or the absolute freedom humans are condemned to if there is no God, are not themselves sufficient to logically compel anyone to believe in God. Instead it functions as a giant appeal to fear on a cosmic scale, where your basic premise is simply that belief in God is like an antidote, because it gives hope. But that is only convincing to to the people with the psychologically peculiar need to believe in a religious hope which, if anything, appears to function as an anesthetic above all else.
I don't intend to spark any heated argument or anything, but you invited comments. And I think that if you intend to be a religious writer you will need to get over some of these basic logical and historical humps. That is, unless you want to limit yourself to the kind of readers who frequent the Cokesbury Bookstore or the Christian Science Reading Room.
Hm.
What about those who follow their own, personal moral guidelines--detached from any religion or higher being?
It seems equally as attractive (if not more so) to simply live in love without any purpose (or reason for hope), than living in love because of a 'higher purpose'.
To have no hope, no reason for love, but to continue in love...that is something beautiful. I think that is why people can be content in their disbelief--they don't necessarily need a reason to be 'good'. They simply choose to.
Why change?
Concepts of sin, reward, justice...ramifications and explanations...these are the things that make religion relevant to society or the individual.
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