Faith is in the everyday lives of all that walk this earth. Though it may not be of an admitted religious devotion, each and every one of us charges boldly out into the unknown with a hope of things not yet seen. For unfortunately human beings are limited within the contexts of time. We can not go back, and we can not see what is ahead, we can only be sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Whether it is of a belief in the afterlife, or simply the faith that things will be as is when you wake up in the morning; all of us walk out the door each day with an assumption based on faith.
It is with these notions that I find the relevance of God so vital and poignant not only within the contexts of eternity, but also inside the small intricacies of the everyday. With a great urgency, we, as finite (at least in our apparent contexts) beings trapped in the boundaries of time must look outside ourselves to find meaning. We must become aware to the fact that there is a God (in one sense or another), gods, or none at all. However, ignoring the pursuit of a more ultimate truth all together is of the greatest folly, for as I will attempt to reason, that brings nothing but meaninglessness and sorrow to our lives. We must, in a way, seek to know God. This of course brings about an endless amount of ramifications and room for many a discussion, but to that I say…good. This is what we’re here for.
For if we believe that God (and I will continue to say “God” for the sake of the reader and argument) is either a malicious being, with intent to harm or destroy, or perhaps just as bad if we believe that God is indifferent or apathetic; then we as the finite will operate in fear and uncertainty. If God is one of those two, being malicious or indifferent, then we have every room to fear. For the uncertainty of eternity (life after death), and even the normal modus operandi of everyday faith leaves us in a terrible position of subjugation to an uncertain and potentially dangerous superior being. If we believe that God is in a sense “good”, or that he “looks down” on us with our best interests in mind or with love, then the reaction as subjects to this superior being will be of peace, joy, or in turn love as a reaction. Then finally, if God is no god at all, and simply an imagined being of our collective conscious; then we have opened ourselves up to a whole other set of moral implications (or none at all).
This of course is a brief oversimplification of these arguments, but it is an attempt to highlight the vital fact that the pursuit of a larger truth than ourselves can not and must not be ignored. I hope that thus far I have at least piqued the interest of the reader to desire a continued interest in the pursuit of “knowing” God. With my subsequent blog entries I wish to continue on with the discussion, and develop the arguments and thought processes that brought me to the beliefs and faith in which I know stand. If you are interested in going with me, keep checking this blog and others on the site. Or you can follow me and my other writings for Klat at my twitter KevinSchultze, or on facebook. This article appears on http://godreport.com/news/2009/04/29/know-god at Klat.com
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Some good news...
Hey I have been busy recently working on a number of things, BUT some good news I am now doing some freelance work for a community of blogging sites called Klat.com. Check it out whenever you get a chance, I will try and update on my facebook when I have a new article up. And I'm going to start a twitter here soon to do the same. Blogs to look for me on:
- God Report (0032)
- Spirituality In the 21st Century
Klat.com is a great site and i encourage you to check out my stuff there, as well as get involved with mine and the other stuff. Also, side note, that goofy story below The Great Adventures of the Mundane is getting published in some sort of magazine I entered it into months ago. When I find out more myself I'll say exactly what it is lol. Anyways, check out the new stuff I'm excited. Thanks everyone for your support thus far, hope you enjoy the new Klat.com articles.
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- TV WorldPlaces (48):
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- Religion & Spirituality:- God Report (0032)
- Spirituality In the 21st Century
Klat.com is a great site and i encourage you to check out my stuff there, as well as get involved with mine and the other stuff. Also, side note, that goofy story below The Great Adventures of the Mundane is getting published in some sort of magazine I entered it into months ago. When I find out more myself I'll say exactly what it is lol. Anyways, check out the new stuff I'm excited. Thanks everyone for your support thus far, hope you enjoy the new Klat.com articles.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Great Adventures of the Mundane
I had just retired…well not retired in the sense I had reach the age of maturity and financial stability never to have to go back to work again, but retired in the sense that I just got off for the day and come home and was in my underwear, and was in no way doing anything that would in at all resemble work...at least until tomorrow. It was my normal posture on a Tuesday evening, well, I guess on a Wednesday as well, Thursday, also, lets just say this is how I spent my evenings.
Dinnertime had passed and I had already moved on to my desert. I had managed to gather up enough energy to put some brownies in a microwave and then heap a pile of ice cream over the top. However, this of course had only come after begging my wife to do it for me, but to no avail. I had brought my evening’s prize over to my favorite armchair, well my only armchair, but it was my favorite. While still piling the loads of sugary delight into my cavernous abyss of a mouth I plumped into my throne. Stopping my mastication only for a second I set my bowl on top of my lap and reached for the handle to the recliner. With more effort than I wished to exert I threw the chair back into its maximum reclined position.
“Ahhhh….” I breathed a sigh in relief. “Sweet victory…” But alas…it was not so, I had made one fatal flaw…
The remote! I shouted it so loud in my head it felt I had started an avalanche-like torrent of negative emotion. Oh what foolishness that I could forget such a vital detail into this evening’s adventure. I saw it sitting there on the coffee table in front of the couch next to me. And there I was, stranded on my own personal desert island, in the maximum reclined position, with a full belly that might as well been an obese elephant at this point. I wouldn’t move now, I couldn’t! I had already reached the maximum reclination as it were (and it was). Pulling the lever back in order to recline was one thing, but well…haha…pushing it up to get out that was a whole different story! The lever would always stick around midnight on the clock and the last decent down in the clockwise direction always caused just enough exertion of energy to be annoying, and under these conditions…unacceptable.
“Stupid…foolish…what a terrific folly,” I thought to myself. One can not imagine the discomfort in which I know lay. My entire night foiled by such a horrible error. Panic stricken I looked around frantically for a solution. My head bobbing and weaving, eyes darting, racing, hoping, yearning for a way out of this mess; and there she was…
My beautiful wife! She lay there in a sort of golden glow about her, her head halfway strewn on a pillow, mouth slightly open, eyes almost closed, wheezing as she breathed in and out, half-asleep, half-awake? Who knows? All I knew it was up to her now…she would have to reach for it.
By all means I was justified in my thoughts; it was indeed closer to her on the couch than it was to me. She could reach for it, lying on her stomach, her left arm pinned up against the couch, her right trapped underneath her body. It may have had to take her rolling over, which of course might be too much to ask, but she may have just been able to reach for it with the right arm if pulled out from underneath her.
I stared at her, as if willing my sense of necessity into her very spirit. The glow of the TV reflecting off her face, shadows dancing as the screen went from light to dark, I saw a slight twinkle in her eyes. She had felt my gaze…
Slowly lifting her head in my direction we caught eyes. A slight cough and a sigh erupted from her lips, she knew what I wanted.
“Are you kidding?” Is all she said. My blank stare indeed let her know it was not a jest.
“You are the laziest kid ever.” We had been married two months and she already knew me like her favorite novel!
But in those moments I saw a bit of contemplation, I could read it in her eyes! I knew her as well, two months earlier she would have pounced on the remote to give it to me, so maybe I could still work some of that charm.
“I love you.” Swish! It had to work.
Movement! She grunted and lifted her arm out from under her, stretching, reaching for the technological messiah of our current predicament. Her fingers stretched and curled as she reached towards the end of the remote. Using the very tips of her nails she inched it forward into her grasp. What a woman!
Without moving the base of her body she threw out her arm holding the remote at some strange spider-like cockeyed angle towards me. “All right…” I thought, a little movement on my part was necessary, but I sat up just enough to reach for the remote. Oh man I could taste it! I imagined the sensation it would have in my hand, the long slender plastic sense of security it would bring. Victory was ever so near. I reached, I reached out…and as I was about to grab it…she dropped it.
A conniving smile spread across her lips, and the faintest laughter was heard. She giggled, reveling in my misfortune. It was if an icy dagger had been plunged into my heart. I swear in that four seconds of misery there was pain unrivaled. I had been betrayed, betrayed by the foulest of vixens.
So I grabbed the DVD remote instead that was ever so cleverly wedged in my seat cushion and hit play, little did she know but Ong Bak the Thai Warrior had been stashed in the DVD player for just such an occasion. As the screams of Thai martial artists and the subtitles appeared on the screen I knew whose day it was. It was my turn to smile. Oh if I could only capture and sell the look she gave me, talk about WMDs, it would have killed any mere mortal man. But not this one…not this night, I had won this little adventure…
Dinnertime had passed and I had already moved on to my desert. I had managed to gather up enough energy to put some brownies in a microwave and then heap a pile of ice cream over the top. However, this of course had only come after begging my wife to do it for me, but to no avail. I had brought my evening’s prize over to my favorite armchair, well my only armchair, but it was my favorite. While still piling the loads of sugary delight into my cavernous abyss of a mouth I plumped into my throne. Stopping my mastication only for a second I set my bowl on top of my lap and reached for the handle to the recliner. With more effort than I wished to exert I threw the chair back into its maximum reclined position.
“Ahhhh….” I breathed a sigh in relief. “Sweet victory…” But alas…it was not so, I had made one fatal flaw…
The remote! I shouted it so loud in my head it felt I had started an avalanche-like torrent of negative emotion. Oh what foolishness that I could forget such a vital detail into this evening’s adventure. I saw it sitting there on the coffee table in front of the couch next to me. And there I was, stranded on my own personal desert island, in the maximum reclined position, with a full belly that might as well been an obese elephant at this point. I wouldn’t move now, I couldn’t! I had already reached the maximum reclination as it were (and it was). Pulling the lever back in order to recline was one thing, but well…haha…pushing it up to get out that was a whole different story! The lever would always stick around midnight on the clock and the last decent down in the clockwise direction always caused just enough exertion of energy to be annoying, and under these conditions…unacceptable.
“Stupid…foolish…what a terrific folly,” I thought to myself. One can not imagine the discomfort in which I know lay. My entire night foiled by such a horrible error. Panic stricken I looked around frantically for a solution. My head bobbing and weaving, eyes darting, racing, hoping, yearning for a way out of this mess; and there she was…
My beautiful wife! She lay there in a sort of golden glow about her, her head halfway strewn on a pillow, mouth slightly open, eyes almost closed, wheezing as she breathed in and out, half-asleep, half-awake? Who knows? All I knew it was up to her now…she would have to reach for it.
By all means I was justified in my thoughts; it was indeed closer to her on the couch than it was to me. She could reach for it, lying on her stomach, her left arm pinned up against the couch, her right trapped underneath her body. It may have had to take her rolling over, which of course might be too much to ask, but she may have just been able to reach for it with the right arm if pulled out from underneath her.
I stared at her, as if willing my sense of necessity into her very spirit. The glow of the TV reflecting off her face, shadows dancing as the screen went from light to dark, I saw a slight twinkle in her eyes. She had felt my gaze…
Slowly lifting her head in my direction we caught eyes. A slight cough and a sigh erupted from her lips, she knew what I wanted.
“Are you kidding?” Is all she said. My blank stare indeed let her know it was not a jest.
“You are the laziest kid ever.” We had been married two months and she already knew me like her favorite novel!
But in those moments I saw a bit of contemplation, I could read it in her eyes! I knew her as well, two months earlier she would have pounced on the remote to give it to me, so maybe I could still work some of that charm.
“I love you.” Swish! It had to work.
Movement! She grunted and lifted her arm out from under her, stretching, reaching for the technological messiah of our current predicament. Her fingers stretched and curled as she reached towards the end of the remote. Using the very tips of her nails she inched it forward into her grasp. What a woman!
Without moving the base of her body she threw out her arm holding the remote at some strange spider-like cockeyed angle towards me. “All right…” I thought, a little movement on my part was necessary, but I sat up just enough to reach for the remote. Oh man I could taste it! I imagined the sensation it would have in my hand, the long slender plastic sense of security it would bring. Victory was ever so near. I reached, I reached out…and as I was about to grab it…she dropped it.
A conniving smile spread across her lips, and the faintest laughter was heard. She giggled, reveling in my misfortune. It was if an icy dagger had been plunged into my heart. I swear in that four seconds of misery there was pain unrivaled. I had been betrayed, betrayed by the foulest of vixens.
So I grabbed the DVD remote instead that was ever so cleverly wedged in my seat cushion and hit play, little did she know but Ong Bak the Thai Warrior had been stashed in the DVD player for just such an occasion. As the screams of Thai martial artists and the subtitles appeared on the screen I knew whose day it was. It was my turn to smile. Oh if I could only capture and sell the look she gave me, talk about WMDs, it would have killed any mere mortal man. But not this one…not this night, I had won this little adventure…
Something not as heavy...ok a review of my trips to Machu Picchu in Peru!
Visiting Machu Picchu in Peru
If you ever get the chance to go…GO! They don’t call it one of the Seven Wonders of the World for nothing. I personally have had the once in a life time opportunity, twice! With each occasion I was completely blown away.
Peru isn’t the first thought on every traveler’s mind when they are thinking of their next destination, but to any veteran with the goal to see it all this is a must. If you are an amateur seeking adventure Peru has what you need as well, with a lively and incredibly friendly culture, rich history, interesting and tasty cuisine (they’re into the guinea pig thing—not a personal fan), and as far as landscape goes they got it all—jungles and mountains, snow-capped mountains and the high altitudes, beaches, and deserts.
Yet of course the main attraction is the ancient Mayan treasure of Machu Picchu. Snuggled deep in the jungle there is only a few ways to reach this ancient city: for the hardcore there is the jungle trek, or for those wishing to see the landscape in a more comfortable fashion you can take the train, then the long bus ride up. My companions and I chose the scenic route and got to enjoy an amazing trip through the jungle while relaxing with our friends on a comfortable train ride. When you reach the bottom and begin the bus trip up it is difficult to not use up all of your pictures taking snapshots of the amazing jungle scenery around you, but save some for the top. Once you make it past the markets and souvenirs (they’re cool too, don’t get me wrong) you’ll finally reach the gates to enter into the lost city of Machu Picchu. From there you will be teamed up with a guide, who is sure to give you the un-biased lowdown on the history of this great city. After the tour is done, it is up to you. We spent hours taking pictures, lying around and soaking it all in, taking snapshots appearing to jump off cliffs (see below), or climbing Waynu Picchu for the ultimate view of the jungle.
So like I said before if you ever get the chance to go to Peru and Machu Picchu, don’t pass it up. It’s something you’ll remember forever. Stay in Cusco a while, the closest major city to Machu Picchu, sleep and relax in one of their novel little hotels. Eat some Peruvian food, try guinea pig if you’re brave enough, buy some knick-knacks, it is well worth it.
If you ever get the chance to go…GO! They don’t call it one of the Seven Wonders of the World for nothing. I personally have had the once in a life time opportunity, twice! With each occasion I was completely blown away.
Peru isn’t the first thought on every traveler’s mind when they are thinking of their next destination, but to any veteran with the goal to see it all this is a must. If you are an amateur seeking adventure Peru has what you need as well, with a lively and incredibly friendly culture, rich history, interesting and tasty cuisine (they’re into the guinea pig thing—not a personal fan), and as far as landscape goes they got it all—jungles and mountains, snow-capped mountains and the high altitudes, beaches, and deserts.
Yet of course the main attraction is the ancient Mayan treasure of Machu Picchu. Snuggled deep in the jungle there is only a few ways to reach this ancient city: for the hardcore there is the jungle trek, or for those wishing to see the landscape in a more comfortable fashion you can take the train, then the long bus ride up. My companions and I chose the scenic route and got to enjoy an amazing trip through the jungle while relaxing with our friends on a comfortable train ride. When you reach the bottom and begin the bus trip up it is difficult to not use up all of your pictures taking snapshots of the amazing jungle scenery around you, but save some for the top. Once you make it past the markets and souvenirs (they’re cool too, don’t get me wrong) you’ll finally reach the gates to enter into the lost city of Machu Picchu. From there you will be teamed up with a guide, who is sure to give you the un-biased lowdown on the history of this great city. After the tour is done, it is up to you. We spent hours taking pictures, lying around and soaking it all in, taking snapshots appearing to jump off cliffs (see below), or climbing Waynu Picchu for the ultimate view of the jungle.
So like I said before if you ever get the chance to go to Peru and Machu Picchu, don’t pass it up. It’s something you’ll remember forever. Stay in Cusco a while, the closest major city to Machu Picchu, sleep and relax in one of their novel little hotels. Eat some Peruvian food, try guinea pig if you’re brave enough, buy some knick-knacks, it is well worth it.
Friday, March 13, 2009
If God isn’t real…
If God isn’t real then it really doesn’t matter, and when I say “it” I mean everything, and nothing. Nothing really matters, everything is meaningless. If God isn’t real, then there is no point to you or me. No one really cares, no one is able to. If God isn’t real then there is no purpose. You can invent your own sure, but that’s just what it is, an invention. It’s something you tell yourself to get through the day, it’s something you tell yourself to sleep at night, it’s something you tell yourself to make believe that you’re ok. Because if God isn’t real, you’re not ok.
If God isn’t real there is no law. Everything is ok. It’s ok in the sense that it doesn’t matter. Because if God isn’t real we’re just playing show. We’re pretending that we’re different, pretending that we’re special, pretending like we’re not just another dumb animal. If God isn’t real that’s exactly what we are. We’re nothing but self-serving, parasites who have invented the most elaborate game to make sure that we make more of ourselves. And most worst of all we’re a fluke, an accident. If God isn’t real that is where it ends. You wake up, you sleep, maybe you procreate, you die, you go in the ground, you sleep and don’t wake up again. If God isn’t real, then living to be remembered is laughable. History doesn’t care, with enough time (and there is more than enough) everyone will be forgotten.
If God isn’t real then take what’s yours. The only thing that is stopping you is the threat of pain. If God isn’t real then our law is a matter of convenience, an agreed upon set of rules invented once again by pretenders. Break it when you see fit, when it serves you best, because the only rule is to make sure you keep on living. If God isn’t real crime is relative, it’s simply whether or not you believe it to be one, or if a larger group of people than you do, or someone bigger, someone stronger. If God isn’t real then lying is relative. Lie to your wife, your husband, your friends, and your family as long as it serves you best. If God isn’t real, others are there just to make sure you’re better off. Your friends are for amusement, for chuckles, for false purpose, for a distraction from harsh reality. Your family is but an advanced animal pack, simply adapted to make sure you live. Take from them what you need, keep your seed going.
If God isn’t real then steal. There’s nothing wrong with it, unless it ends up hurting you, if it doesn’t, do it. If God isn’t real then murder is relative, rape but an expression of instinct. These things are only enforced by a larger animal pack. If God isn’t real, then a cannibalistic rapist is but a matter of perspective. If God isn’t real then relationships are but stories in a storybook. There is no moral, there is no happy ending, take what’s yours now, live for what you want, everyone and everything is but a pleasure or pain stimulus.
If God isn’t real then you don’t matter. Neither do the people around you. You should be on edge, because if they find that out too…
If God isn’t real you have every reason to be afraid. If there is no higher being, if there is no higher purpose, or if that purpose be malicious, or false, or tricksy, lying, hateful, indignant, indifferent, or worst of all make believe…then what reason for hope? What reason do you have to hope? It is a game, pretend, you are playing Candyland but with the very conscious and sanity of the human mind. If you are not afraid you are pushing the truth out of your head, if you do not lust after anything that brings you pleasure then you’re wasting your time, if you are not depressed then you’re just plain ignorant, and ignorance bliss, and bliss simply naiveté.
The problem with believing that God isn’t real does not come from the big questions. The questions like…why do bad things happen to good people? Why were we created? Why is there evil in the world? What about Jesus? What about Muhammad? What about Buddha? Why do natural disasters happen? Why is their war? Why is their suffering? For these questions do have answers. No…those who do not wish to believe in God simply cannot answer one question…why do I suffer? Why do I feel so much pain? Why did You let this happen to me? Why did my friend have to die? Why did my grandmother die? My father? Why did my wife leave me? Why did my husband cheat on me? Why did I lose my job? Why can’t I find another one? Why did my wife lie to me? Why am I gaining weight? Why am I addicted? Why am I poor? These are the questions that can go unanswered, maybe forever, these are the questions that don’t always have a specific solution, and these are the questions that make us so angry at a God that we pretend we don’t think He is real. It is the natural course of a developed mind to look for a higher purpose, a bigger picture, an ultimate meaning. Those who have reasoned themselves not to believe in it, do so out of an ever so apparent anger, and rightly so. To believe in God takes faith, it takes looking past an ever so personal pain. It does not have to defy reason, it does not have to forego intellect, but it must be, at its most ultimate point, its apex, its crux…faith. Sight is not belief, knowing is not trust, rape for one’s own good is still rape…and God is a gentleman…
This is where I would normally end the blog…I mean it was the most dramatic point right? But I wanted to let people know I wrote this at a very real point in my life. A point where I so desperately wanted to not believe in God anymore, but I just… couldn’t. I also wanted to say if anyone is still reading this, please comment. If you just came across it somehow, please comment. Even if it is “you’re a moron.” I’d like a little more explanation to why, but still. Also very importantly as well I am going to stop beating around the bush. I want to write. I have pages and pages and pages of thoughts, and lots way more developed then what is above. I also believe I have a lot that are new, that are genuine, and that are real and most importantly that I truly believe to meaningful and full of purpose. I want to write a book, books. I want people to read, because when I talk face to face with individuals about these thoughts I get nothing but amazing feedback that it really touched how they think and live in reality. If you can help make this happen say so, if you have advice say so, if you want to sponsor me say so, if you are a publisher, an editor, anyone with a cause or means…say so. It’s getting to the point that something has got to happen, I don’t want fame or fortune, I just would like to be able to make a living and for my wife and I not to have to leave our apartment and live with our parents, or for me to have to give up on a dream and start filling out the fast food applications. I’m going to keep on going as well; I don’t know how to stop anyways.
If God isn’t real there is no law. Everything is ok. It’s ok in the sense that it doesn’t matter. Because if God isn’t real we’re just playing show. We’re pretending that we’re different, pretending that we’re special, pretending like we’re not just another dumb animal. If God isn’t real that’s exactly what we are. We’re nothing but self-serving, parasites who have invented the most elaborate game to make sure that we make more of ourselves. And most worst of all we’re a fluke, an accident. If God isn’t real that is where it ends. You wake up, you sleep, maybe you procreate, you die, you go in the ground, you sleep and don’t wake up again. If God isn’t real, then living to be remembered is laughable. History doesn’t care, with enough time (and there is more than enough) everyone will be forgotten.
If God isn’t real then take what’s yours. The only thing that is stopping you is the threat of pain. If God isn’t real then our law is a matter of convenience, an agreed upon set of rules invented once again by pretenders. Break it when you see fit, when it serves you best, because the only rule is to make sure you keep on living. If God isn’t real crime is relative, it’s simply whether or not you believe it to be one, or if a larger group of people than you do, or someone bigger, someone stronger. If God isn’t real then lying is relative. Lie to your wife, your husband, your friends, and your family as long as it serves you best. If God isn’t real, others are there just to make sure you’re better off. Your friends are for amusement, for chuckles, for false purpose, for a distraction from harsh reality. Your family is but an advanced animal pack, simply adapted to make sure you live. Take from them what you need, keep your seed going.
If God isn’t real then steal. There’s nothing wrong with it, unless it ends up hurting you, if it doesn’t, do it. If God isn’t real then murder is relative, rape but an expression of instinct. These things are only enforced by a larger animal pack. If God isn’t real, then a cannibalistic rapist is but a matter of perspective. If God isn’t real then relationships are but stories in a storybook. There is no moral, there is no happy ending, take what’s yours now, live for what you want, everyone and everything is but a pleasure or pain stimulus.
If God isn’t real then you don’t matter. Neither do the people around you. You should be on edge, because if they find that out too…
If God isn’t real you have every reason to be afraid. If there is no higher being, if there is no higher purpose, or if that purpose be malicious, or false, or tricksy, lying, hateful, indignant, indifferent, or worst of all make believe…then what reason for hope? What reason do you have to hope? It is a game, pretend, you are playing Candyland but with the very conscious and sanity of the human mind. If you are not afraid you are pushing the truth out of your head, if you do not lust after anything that brings you pleasure then you’re wasting your time, if you are not depressed then you’re just plain ignorant, and ignorance bliss, and bliss simply naiveté.
The problem with believing that God isn’t real does not come from the big questions. The questions like…why do bad things happen to good people? Why were we created? Why is there evil in the world? What about Jesus? What about Muhammad? What about Buddha? Why do natural disasters happen? Why is their war? Why is their suffering? For these questions do have answers. No…those who do not wish to believe in God simply cannot answer one question…why do I suffer? Why do I feel so much pain? Why did You let this happen to me? Why did my friend have to die? Why did my grandmother die? My father? Why did my wife leave me? Why did my husband cheat on me? Why did I lose my job? Why can’t I find another one? Why did my wife lie to me? Why am I gaining weight? Why am I addicted? Why am I poor? These are the questions that can go unanswered, maybe forever, these are the questions that don’t always have a specific solution, and these are the questions that make us so angry at a God that we pretend we don’t think He is real. It is the natural course of a developed mind to look for a higher purpose, a bigger picture, an ultimate meaning. Those who have reasoned themselves not to believe in it, do so out of an ever so apparent anger, and rightly so. To believe in God takes faith, it takes looking past an ever so personal pain. It does not have to defy reason, it does not have to forego intellect, but it must be, at its most ultimate point, its apex, its crux…faith. Sight is not belief, knowing is not trust, rape for one’s own good is still rape…and God is a gentleman…
This is where I would normally end the blog…I mean it was the most dramatic point right? But I wanted to let people know I wrote this at a very real point in my life. A point where I so desperately wanted to not believe in God anymore, but I just… couldn’t. I also wanted to say if anyone is still reading this, please comment. If you just came across it somehow, please comment. Even if it is “you’re a moron.” I’d like a little more explanation to why, but still. Also very importantly as well I am going to stop beating around the bush. I want to write. I have pages and pages and pages of thoughts, and lots way more developed then what is above. I also believe I have a lot that are new, that are genuine, and that are real and most importantly that I truly believe to meaningful and full of purpose. I want to write a book, books. I want people to read, because when I talk face to face with individuals about these thoughts I get nothing but amazing feedback that it really touched how they think and live in reality. If you can help make this happen say so, if you have advice say so, if you want to sponsor me say so, if you are a publisher, an editor, anyone with a cause or means…say so. It’s getting to the point that something has got to happen, I don’t want fame or fortune, I just would like to be able to make a living and for my wife and I not to have to leave our apartment and live with our parents, or for me to have to give up on a dream and start filling out the fast food applications. I’m going to keep on going as well; I don’t know how to stop anyways.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
well....
People have told me that I should blog more often, and honestly I agree. I've been putting it off for a while, and I'm not really sure why. I've been working on a few projects, and pouring myself into them. Yet, I feel like I am too self-critical with all of it, and I don't think that helps your writing either. So here it is I suppose. Instead of publish-ready works I am going to continue more with my thoughts. Loose, raw, and hopefully genuine.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief (Ecclesiastes 1:18)."
My friends' grandmother passed away a few hours ago. She had breast and lung cancer, only 61. My friends are brothers, worked with one of them, chilled with both. Their dad died a few years back from brain cancer. All of them, live in faith, and believe in a God with a plan and their best interests in mind. Their mother has worked as hard as she can, and they have as well to carve out a life in a tough world. Yet with as tough as it is to survive in the absence of death, she now has to live with the fact that the same thing that took her husband, just took her mother as well.
Bad things happen to good people.
Death...especially if it is unexpected doesn't really heal to those around it. One of my best friends died last summer slipping off of a goofy little skateboard thing. That's it, fell back, and hit his head. The thing is though, that even in his early twenties, he was one of the best men I have not only known, but even heard of. He wasn't perfect, no one is. Yet he was one of the few people that I could say honestly lived for pretty much anything and anyone but himself, and it was apparent to anyone who met him.
"Why?" is a pretty predominant question in all of this, but I'd have to say it is the specifics of why that make understanding pretty much impossible. Looking back, Matt was the closest person to resemble myself and my own situation that I knew. He and his girlfriend had been dating about as long as I and my current wife had. They were at the similar stage in their life, he loved her, he was thinking about asking her to marry him when the time was right. So I sometimes think why him and not me? I see such a similar scenario happening afterwards if it had been...
If we believe what we believe, if we honestly believe that those who pass are indeed in a "better place." It is the life of the living that truly is the test. For those who pass on move into their metaphysical retirement, but it is the good that is sucked away in their absence that makes our world just a little bit darker. Knowing this brings no comfort either. The more we really know what’s going on, the more we are aware of just how bad it really is. The wiser we are to the ways of this life, the more prone to the suffering of reality, and the elimination of a disillusioned hope.
The life of a believer, of one who "knows" now where before they never did, that life only gets harder. It is the plight of one who believes, one who seeks maturity, one who wishes to unravel the very things of God to bestow upon them more and more hurt and more and more suffering. For the world is dark. However what is more worth following than a light in the dark? What is more inspiring? What is more powerful than a light that continues to shine no matter how much garbage you throw on it? What can you say that will move you more than a light that refuses to quit despite how much filth, and dirt, and darkness you cover it with?
We need lights. Lights to guide those who see nothing but darkness. Lights to lead others to a place where the darkness can never go. God needs these lights to be shrouded more and more in the darkness around them, so that when they shine...it changes things.
Talking with my friend whose grandmother just passed away...he asked me after a while, so how are things going with you, you said you had been dealing with some stuff. A very generous question I thought with what he was dealing with. I told him a lot of things, but maybe the main part being...life is tough right now. I told him, that honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm in a tough financial spot, it is effecting my everyday life, I feel like I am supposed to be a writer, but I haven’t met anyone willing to pay me to do it. I'm taking risks that could hurt myself, and now others very, very deeply. And maybe most importantly, I feel like I am losing faith in something that has kept me going for so long. I don't want to shine anymore I said, I want to put my light out, it hurts too much.
But I can't...
I'm so angry I told him. I don't know why I am here, I don't know why Matt died, I don't know why your dad died, I don't know why your grandmother died. I don't understand, and I've come to the realization that I may not ever in this life. I don't know why I had to move, leave my old job, hate my current graduate program, end up in this mess, pretty much unemployed right at a time when all of a sudden the bottom fell out in the financial world. I told him I am angry...I'm so angry; I have so many questions...that don't seem to be getting answered. I am so angry that sometimes I wish that I could...just stop, just stop believing in it all, I am so angry that I wish that I didn't trust God in this. But the reality is...I can't stop.
I told him that he had a choice, I had to do it when Matt died, and he has to do it too, and we all have to at points. The choice to really, and honestly, and blindly trust God, or to not. And I say blindly because most everything you think about the situation won't make sense at all, and maybe it never will. It is that leap of faith though, the greatest one you took before, the others that you take every day, and the big ones that happen only a few times in your life. It's that point where you have seen faith turn into knowledge. With the knowledge comes sight, comes revelation, comes wisdom and understanding, hope, and one day peace; but with it also brings pain. It's the fact that those who really have turned the light on, just can't turn it off now, even when we want to. It's the simple reality that those who have seen, must show others that have no sight. It's the truth that God needs lights, because it is dark out there.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief (Ecclesiastes 1:18)."
My friends' grandmother passed away a few hours ago. She had breast and lung cancer, only 61. My friends are brothers, worked with one of them, chilled with both. Their dad died a few years back from brain cancer. All of them, live in faith, and believe in a God with a plan and their best interests in mind. Their mother has worked as hard as she can, and they have as well to carve out a life in a tough world. Yet with as tough as it is to survive in the absence of death, she now has to live with the fact that the same thing that took her husband, just took her mother as well.
Bad things happen to good people.
Death...especially if it is unexpected doesn't really heal to those around it. One of my best friends died last summer slipping off of a goofy little skateboard thing. That's it, fell back, and hit his head. The thing is though, that even in his early twenties, he was one of the best men I have not only known, but even heard of. He wasn't perfect, no one is. Yet he was one of the few people that I could say honestly lived for pretty much anything and anyone but himself, and it was apparent to anyone who met him.
"Why?" is a pretty predominant question in all of this, but I'd have to say it is the specifics of why that make understanding pretty much impossible. Looking back, Matt was the closest person to resemble myself and my own situation that I knew. He and his girlfriend had been dating about as long as I and my current wife had. They were at the similar stage in their life, he loved her, he was thinking about asking her to marry him when the time was right. So I sometimes think why him and not me? I see such a similar scenario happening afterwards if it had been...
If we believe what we believe, if we honestly believe that those who pass are indeed in a "better place." It is the life of the living that truly is the test. For those who pass on move into their metaphysical retirement, but it is the good that is sucked away in their absence that makes our world just a little bit darker. Knowing this brings no comfort either. The more we really know what’s going on, the more we are aware of just how bad it really is. The wiser we are to the ways of this life, the more prone to the suffering of reality, and the elimination of a disillusioned hope.
The life of a believer, of one who "knows" now where before they never did, that life only gets harder. It is the plight of one who believes, one who seeks maturity, one who wishes to unravel the very things of God to bestow upon them more and more hurt and more and more suffering. For the world is dark. However what is more worth following than a light in the dark? What is more inspiring? What is more powerful than a light that continues to shine no matter how much garbage you throw on it? What can you say that will move you more than a light that refuses to quit despite how much filth, and dirt, and darkness you cover it with?
We need lights. Lights to guide those who see nothing but darkness. Lights to lead others to a place where the darkness can never go. God needs these lights to be shrouded more and more in the darkness around them, so that when they shine...it changes things.
Talking with my friend whose grandmother just passed away...he asked me after a while, so how are things going with you, you said you had been dealing with some stuff. A very generous question I thought with what he was dealing with. I told him a lot of things, but maybe the main part being...life is tough right now. I told him, that honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm in a tough financial spot, it is effecting my everyday life, I feel like I am supposed to be a writer, but I haven’t met anyone willing to pay me to do it. I'm taking risks that could hurt myself, and now others very, very deeply. And maybe most importantly, I feel like I am losing faith in something that has kept me going for so long. I don't want to shine anymore I said, I want to put my light out, it hurts too much.
But I can't...
I'm so angry I told him. I don't know why I am here, I don't know why Matt died, I don't know why your dad died, I don't know why your grandmother died. I don't understand, and I've come to the realization that I may not ever in this life. I don't know why I had to move, leave my old job, hate my current graduate program, end up in this mess, pretty much unemployed right at a time when all of a sudden the bottom fell out in the financial world. I told him I am angry...I'm so angry; I have so many questions...that don't seem to be getting answered. I am so angry that sometimes I wish that I could...just stop, just stop believing in it all, I am so angry that I wish that I didn't trust God in this. But the reality is...I can't stop.
I told him that he had a choice, I had to do it when Matt died, and he has to do it too, and we all have to at points. The choice to really, and honestly, and blindly trust God, or to not. And I say blindly because most everything you think about the situation won't make sense at all, and maybe it never will. It is that leap of faith though, the greatest one you took before, the others that you take every day, and the big ones that happen only a few times in your life. It's that point where you have seen faith turn into knowledge. With the knowledge comes sight, comes revelation, comes wisdom and understanding, hope, and one day peace; but with it also brings pain. It's the fact that those who really have turned the light on, just can't turn it off now, even when we want to. It's the simple reality that those who have seen, must show others that have no sight. It's the truth that God needs lights, because it is dark out there.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Reality
Written by Kevin Schultze, John Raymond, and Lee Tucciarone
This is a rough draft of some things we have been working on. We would love any comments, feedback, questions, criticisms positive or negative, anything. I realize it is long, but we hope that it is meaningful.
Reality:
I would be skeptical that there is a man or woman alive today that thinks the world is as it should be. I would be cautious of anyone who denies suffering, who is ignorant of pain, who is unconscious to evil and ill-will. Fear, lust, depression…no one doubts that these things plague the world in which we live, but what if I told you that, in reality… they do not even exist? That those things are inventions, mere fabrications of a false need that creates the desires which bring about so much pain. Without need, there would be no pain.
Our economy, our society, our world exists and hinges on the over-arching concept of supply and demand. When there is a demand for a product, someone becomes a producer and creates the supply. Any marketer or salesman who is worth his salt will tell you that the best way to create that demand, is to create a sense of need. If you create a need for a product, you have created a sale. Food, water, shelter, these things will always sell, but will personal jets? If you can convince someone that they need bigger and better, they will fill their house with all sorts of things. If you can convince someone that their well-being is based on where they shop and what clothes they wear, then malls will never be empty. If happiness is based on diet, then your restaurant will never close. If you can internalize the need for an external product, then you will never be without profit, but you will never be without need.
However if you think about it, how many things that you own do you actually need? Most of us in the west actually have houses for our cars (John Stallsmith). If there is a fire in your house, what would you have to save? What could you not live without? This sense of need extends beyond even the material world. Individuals will result to all sorts of things to derive their satisfaction from, and therefore their need. Have you ever been running late? Is there not this overwhelming necessity driving us to be on time to an important event? What is the reaction of your boss, your spouse on an anniversary, or your mother at Thanksgiving dinner when you are late? Is not their satisfaction derived from a feeling of necessity for everyone to be on time, and everything to work out?
But what has been lost in reality? I do not deny consequences, but what…what exactly are we really living for? People live their lives, deriving their satisfaction from a set of insubstantial necessities. If these necessities are not met, we are not happy. Yet how can we justify living as such? How can we place our satisfaction, and our need in things that are fallible, things that are destructible, things that break, fall apart, wither, rot, die, betray, in essence…things that are not eternal? We can use the metaphor of taking “pills.” Much like an alcoholic or an addict who may take literal pills, we create our own metaphorical pills to bring us the high we are looking for. We survive working for the weekends; we survive for that night out on the town, hitting the clubs, getting drunk tonight, getting that new car or house, or capturing that sexual escapade. If I could just watch TV for a few hours, if I could just get that promotion, if she could change, if he would just change, after this steak dinner I’ll feel so much better, if they would just sleep with me…then I would be ok. Money cannot buy happiness…a cliché from years past, but by this logic I can tell you this: NO ONE IS HAPPY. There is no pill, or even amount of pills that can bring you what you are looking for. A pill’s effects only last so long.
However, it is foolish to think that these pills only extend into the realm of negative vices. These pills, these objects of our desired satisfaction, can also be of a seemingly positive nature. Yet of what level of who you are, what satisfies you, what you live for is based and invested in the fallible? Who among us has ever put their feeling of need into another person and not been disappointed before? Even healthy, dedicated, loving relationships can be used as conducts of an imagined need. If your whole life is based on your relationship with another person, you will be let down, you will be hurt, and you will experience fear and anxiety. Your relationship with your family can not be the essence of your life, because there will always be schisms, there will always be divides and problems. Your husband, your wife, your children can not make you happy, your job, your life experiences in Europe, your number of charitable contributions will not bring you satisfaction. These things are contributions to the system and false point of seeing happiness as a goal to be obtained. The system of getting more good than bad, the scale system of more positive than negative, the system of happiness as the goal in life does not work. The system is broken, has been broken, will always be broken, and the system is not even real.
As in medicine, these pills we live for whether positive or negative are but of temporary benefit (if a benefit at all). We take one and it lasts a while, but then we must search for more. Eventually we need higher doses or a whole new pill all together. Observe the conversation around you, note the goals of your neighbors, your family, and your own self; are we not in a constant search for simply just…more. Who has found satisfaction in things, who has it or that, that has delivered them from desire? Or are not the things that tend to bring a seemingly greater, longer, truer sense of satisfaction, things that cannot be materialized at all? Things like, peace, things like love, and things like joy. For these things stand in contrast to the false reality of fear, lust, and depression.
Joy transcends happiness, for joy can exist in the midst of sorrow. Joy is a deeper, realer emotion that lives independently from need. Joy is not dependent upon circumstance, or situation, person or place. However I want to be careful here, I want to get beyond the “money does not buy happiness” message, for in reality there is nothing that buys happiness. My point here is not to make you happy, this is not a feel good read, this is not a prosperity gospel. This is reality, and reality is the loss of control. So in reality happiness is an illusion.
The problem is that when we think we are losing control, we think we are losing our life. Some of the most poignant quotes from scripture come from Christ in which I think he addresses this very subject. Christ, the man that Christians desire to live their life not only for, but like. The man in whom believers aspire to be, a man of incredible joy, but also a man of sorrows. For as I said before, and hopefully we all one day can realize, joy can exist in the midst of sorrows. Christ says in the book of Matthew, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (10:39 NIV).” He says in the book of John, “If anyone does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple (14:26, NIV).”
It is a strange claim, to say that one must hate his father and mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, and even their own life? However much of the meaning can be lost in the Greek to English translation. The word used in John 14:26 in the Greek is ‘miseo’, which means to hate, or detest, but therefore by extension to “love less.” The point being communicated here that when compared to the life of following Christ, the life without it, even the life with your family is to be as detested. It is a powerful metaphor, and word choice even in the Greek, comparing one life of an eternal meaning, and a life of false meaning. Even the love of family, if that all it is and in of itself, is but a temporary satisfaction. If you are finding your life purpose, if who you are is defined by, and if your satisfaction comes from your relationship with your family, then even you are on a pill. These things fade, these things die, and the needs we invent in and out of them are not even real.
Reality strips you of control, because reality is whether you want it to be or not. It's not your relentless thought upon reality which makes it come true. Reality is ignorant towards you.Reality simply is without your thought, belief, or approval. So don't fall to the illusion that your wishful thoughts concerning reality is what creates and sustains it. You don't always have to be worrying and thinking upon reality for it to maintain. Reality has to be larger than perception and interpretation. Perception, then must be relative, and not reality, although this does not rule out the fact that perception may have a determinant (future tense only) on reality. To say that there are multiple realities is false, reality is reality, by definition; but…who is to say what you think and even what you will or wish can not affect reality (again, in the future tense). This is not such a surreal thought or belief, in fact I would argue that most religions subscribe to some sort of thinking along these lines. Also, agnostics, atheists, and those who wish nothing of one religion will oftentimes defend the rights of those who do to believe in their own “reality.” Who is to say, “Your reality is wrong, and mine is right?” Even some areas of scientific thought (quantum physics and the like) are leaning towards these thoughts. Let us not forget also the concept of prayer. However it seems that only what truly is, can say what it is and what it is not. Only reality can claim right or wrong.
So your wishful thinking, your prayers, your hopes, your dreams can influence. However influencing and controlling stand at contrast, there is no ill in hoping, dreaming, praying but it is the desired goal ahead and the motivation behind that determine its outcome. Reality exists, time flows on a line and our influences extend only ahead and in front; hence the great schism of being and doing. Doing has the connotation of willing your existence into being, which is usually done by the chopping up of pills. Being is accepting your freedom, that fact that you are, the fact that there is. Being is more about the process of experience, rather than the process of conscious construction. You may find that oftentimes your hopes, dreams, your prayers do not end up coming to be, perhaps because what you think you need, you simply don’t. Being is the process of acceptance, acceptance of not only freedom, but reality itself. What if what we really needed we already had? What if what would bring us joy as opposed to happiness (or when lacking, depression), peace as opposed to fear, and love as opposed to lust is the acceptance of reality? If He feeds the birds of the air, and clothes the grass of the fields, then truly what do we have to fear? Fear itself was invented with the start of “I.”
If in the beginning all things were one, existence lived with the absence of “I.” With the creation of I, came the creation of fear. The first I comes is mentioned in the book of Isaiah, when the fallen one says “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” The beginning of fear, lust, depression, the beginning of falsity starts and continues with the creation of I. FEAR does not exist because “I” do not exist. There is no such thing as “ I am in a state of fear” because there is no “I” to be in that state. The illusion of fear was created when the original illusion/sin of “I” was created. This creation of “I” is what birthed all opposites from fear to peace, to joy and depression. Before the “I” was created there was just a state of complete ‘freedom’. Once you dissolve the illusion of “I”, fear should follow. As fear arises in our mind, it is fed when we identify with it and make it “self”; when we say, “I am fearful” or “I am in a state of fear”. So when fear comes, make that the object of your awareness. Simply note it: “ Oh, its fear again”. It is in the moment of recognition, acceptance, and nonidentification that you can see how weak this mindstate really is. Fear arises, you note it, and in that moment of noting, when you no longer identify with it, it falls away (Goldstein). Fear is just a passing cloud; it is not part of you. It can’t be part of you because there is no you for it to attach onto. I am not fearful because there is no “I”. This whole illusion/mindstate of fear comes from the original illusion of “I”. Fear was created when the illusion of “I” was created. They both don’t exist. “JUST AM”. You don’t realize your innate freedom by saying, “I Am Free”, because in doing this you simply reassert the illusion of the non-existent or false “I”. You try to attach freedom to this “I” while at the same time try and detach fear from this same “I”. Your simply stuck in the game, stuck in the matrix. By proclaiming, “I Am Free” you’re attempting to attach freedom onto this false “I”, which is impossible because it does not exist. Rather you should just forget about the whole thing altogether, and just be. Forget about freedom, forget about fear, forget about the false “I”, and forget about the true “I”. Forget about it all; just be.
We should not eliminate the existence of I from choice, a flaw of much of eastern thought is the complete elimination of yourself. There is an I in the sense of choice. We chose, we act, we think, we have been created with free will. However the choice of eliminating the I and the fear and false necessities attached comes from the choice to accept love, the choice that comes from accepting being, from accepting reality itself. Once we accept that there is an is and will be, then we begin to lose the false sense of control, we begin to realize that maybe we don’t need so much. If we realize that we are loved, we are cared for, that we are taken care of in an eternal sense we begin to eliminate the illusion of fear. If we accept being, versus the pressure of doing we find ourselves in a state where there is no need for disappointment and depression. If we realize that the purpose of life is simply to be, to love and be loved, to know and make known God then in what context must we be without joy?
This is not a goal. It simply can’t be a goal, because it is a process of just is. It is but sitting in the presence of God, accepting the reality ahead and being. We can fall in and out of it, we can believe it one minute, live in it at one moment, and forget the next. We can return to illusion or we can accept Truth. When we lose our life, we find it. There will be hardships, there will be persecutions, there will be pain, however there will always be the choice of accepting joy. When we lose our life, we find it. There will be disappointment, there will be desire, there will be hurt, but there will always be the choice of accepting peace. When we lose our life, we find it. There will be distractions, there will be setbacks, there will be truths forgotten or misplaced, and there will be hate, but there will always be the choice of accepting love. When we lose our life, we find it.
This is a rough draft of some things we have been working on. We would love any comments, feedback, questions, criticisms positive or negative, anything. I realize it is long, but we hope that it is meaningful.
Reality:
I would be skeptical that there is a man or woman alive today that thinks the world is as it should be. I would be cautious of anyone who denies suffering, who is ignorant of pain, who is unconscious to evil and ill-will. Fear, lust, depression…no one doubts that these things plague the world in which we live, but what if I told you that, in reality… they do not even exist? That those things are inventions, mere fabrications of a false need that creates the desires which bring about so much pain. Without need, there would be no pain.
Our economy, our society, our world exists and hinges on the over-arching concept of supply and demand. When there is a demand for a product, someone becomes a producer and creates the supply. Any marketer or salesman who is worth his salt will tell you that the best way to create that demand, is to create a sense of need. If you create a need for a product, you have created a sale. Food, water, shelter, these things will always sell, but will personal jets? If you can convince someone that they need bigger and better, they will fill their house with all sorts of things. If you can convince someone that their well-being is based on where they shop and what clothes they wear, then malls will never be empty. If happiness is based on diet, then your restaurant will never close. If you can internalize the need for an external product, then you will never be without profit, but you will never be without need.
However if you think about it, how many things that you own do you actually need? Most of us in the west actually have houses for our cars (John Stallsmith). If there is a fire in your house, what would you have to save? What could you not live without? This sense of need extends beyond even the material world. Individuals will result to all sorts of things to derive their satisfaction from, and therefore their need. Have you ever been running late? Is there not this overwhelming necessity driving us to be on time to an important event? What is the reaction of your boss, your spouse on an anniversary, or your mother at Thanksgiving dinner when you are late? Is not their satisfaction derived from a feeling of necessity for everyone to be on time, and everything to work out?
But what has been lost in reality? I do not deny consequences, but what…what exactly are we really living for? People live their lives, deriving their satisfaction from a set of insubstantial necessities. If these necessities are not met, we are not happy. Yet how can we justify living as such? How can we place our satisfaction, and our need in things that are fallible, things that are destructible, things that break, fall apart, wither, rot, die, betray, in essence…things that are not eternal? We can use the metaphor of taking “pills.” Much like an alcoholic or an addict who may take literal pills, we create our own metaphorical pills to bring us the high we are looking for. We survive working for the weekends; we survive for that night out on the town, hitting the clubs, getting drunk tonight, getting that new car or house, or capturing that sexual escapade. If I could just watch TV for a few hours, if I could just get that promotion, if she could change, if he would just change, after this steak dinner I’ll feel so much better, if they would just sleep with me…then I would be ok. Money cannot buy happiness…a cliché from years past, but by this logic I can tell you this: NO ONE IS HAPPY. There is no pill, or even amount of pills that can bring you what you are looking for. A pill’s effects only last so long.
However, it is foolish to think that these pills only extend into the realm of negative vices. These pills, these objects of our desired satisfaction, can also be of a seemingly positive nature. Yet of what level of who you are, what satisfies you, what you live for is based and invested in the fallible? Who among us has ever put their feeling of need into another person and not been disappointed before? Even healthy, dedicated, loving relationships can be used as conducts of an imagined need. If your whole life is based on your relationship with another person, you will be let down, you will be hurt, and you will experience fear and anxiety. Your relationship with your family can not be the essence of your life, because there will always be schisms, there will always be divides and problems. Your husband, your wife, your children can not make you happy, your job, your life experiences in Europe, your number of charitable contributions will not bring you satisfaction. These things are contributions to the system and false point of seeing happiness as a goal to be obtained. The system of getting more good than bad, the scale system of more positive than negative, the system of happiness as the goal in life does not work. The system is broken, has been broken, will always be broken, and the system is not even real.
As in medicine, these pills we live for whether positive or negative are but of temporary benefit (if a benefit at all). We take one and it lasts a while, but then we must search for more. Eventually we need higher doses or a whole new pill all together. Observe the conversation around you, note the goals of your neighbors, your family, and your own self; are we not in a constant search for simply just…more. Who has found satisfaction in things, who has it or that, that has delivered them from desire? Or are not the things that tend to bring a seemingly greater, longer, truer sense of satisfaction, things that cannot be materialized at all? Things like, peace, things like love, and things like joy. For these things stand in contrast to the false reality of fear, lust, and depression.
Joy transcends happiness, for joy can exist in the midst of sorrow. Joy is a deeper, realer emotion that lives independently from need. Joy is not dependent upon circumstance, or situation, person or place. However I want to be careful here, I want to get beyond the “money does not buy happiness” message, for in reality there is nothing that buys happiness. My point here is not to make you happy, this is not a feel good read, this is not a prosperity gospel. This is reality, and reality is the loss of control. So in reality happiness is an illusion.
The problem is that when we think we are losing control, we think we are losing our life. Some of the most poignant quotes from scripture come from Christ in which I think he addresses this very subject. Christ, the man that Christians desire to live their life not only for, but like. The man in whom believers aspire to be, a man of incredible joy, but also a man of sorrows. For as I said before, and hopefully we all one day can realize, joy can exist in the midst of sorrows. Christ says in the book of Matthew, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (10:39 NIV).” He says in the book of John, “If anyone does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple (14:26, NIV).”
It is a strange claim, to say that one must hate his father and mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, and even their own life? However much of the meaning can be lost in the Greek to English translation. The word used in John 14:26 in the Greek is ‘miseo’, which means to hate, or detest, but therefore by extension to “love less.” The point being communicated here that when compared to the life of following Christ, the life without it, even the life with your family is to be as detested. It is a powerful metaphor, and word choice even in the Greek, comparing one life of an eternal meaning, and a life of false meaning. Even the love of family, if that all it is and in of itself, is but a temporary satisfaction. If you are finding your life purpose, if who you are is defined by, and if your satisfaction comes from your relationship with your family, then even you are on a pill. These things fade, these things die, and the needs we invent in and out of them are not even real.
Reality strips you of control, because reality is whether you want it to be or not. It's not your relentless thought upon reality which makes it come true. Reality is ignorant towards you.Reality simply is without your thought, belief, or approval. So don't fall to the illusion that your wishful thoughts concerning reality is what creates and sustains it. You don't always have to be worrying and thinking upon reality for it to maintain. Reality has to be larger than perception and interpretation. Perception, then must be relative, and not reality, although this does not rule out the fact that perception may have a determinant (future tense only) on reality. To say that there are multiple realities is false, reality is reality, by definition; but…who is to say what you think and even what you will or wish can not affect reality (again, in the future tense). This is not such a surreal thought or belief, in fact I would argue that most religions subscribe to some sort of thinking along these lines. Also, agnostics, atheists, and those who wish nothing of one religion will oftentimes defend the rights of those who do to believe in their own “reality.” Who is to say, “Your reality is wrong, and mine is right?” Even some areas of scientific thought (quantum physics and the like) are leaning towards these thoughts. Let us not forget also the concept of prayer. However it seems that only what truly is, can say what it is and what it is not. Only reality can claim right or wrong.
So your wishful thinking, your prayers, your hopes, your dreams can influence. However influencing and controlling stand at contrast, there is no ill in hoping, dreaming, praying but it is the desired goal ahead and the motivation behind that determine its outcome. Reality exists, time flows on a line and our influences extend only ahead and in front; hence the great schism of being and doing. Doing has the connotation of willing your existence into being, which is usually done by the chopping up of pills. Being is accepting your freedom, that fact that you are, the fact that there is. Being is more about the process of experience, rather than the process of conscious construction. You may find that oftentimes your hopes, dreams, your prayers do not end up coming to be, perhaps because what you think you need, you simply don’t. Being is the process of acceptance, acceptance of not only freedom, but reality itself. What if what we really needed we already had? What if what would bring us joy as opposed to happiness (or when lacking, depression), peace as opposed to fear, and love as opposed to lust is the acceptance of reality? If He feeds the birds of the air, and clothes the grass of the fields, then truly what do we have to fear? Fear itself was invented with the start of “I.”
If in the beginning all things were one, existence lived with the absence of “I.” With the creation of I, came the creation of fear. The first I comes is mentioned in the book of Isaiah, when the fallen one says “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” The beginning of fear, lust, depression, the beginning of falsity starts and continues with the creation of I. FEAR does not exist because “I” do not exist. There is no such thing as “ I am in a state of fear” because there is no “I” to be in that state. The illusion of fear was created when the original illusion/sin of “I” was created. This creation of “I” is what birthed all opposites from fear to peace, to joy and depression. Before the “I” was created there was just a state of complete ‘freedom’. Once you dissolve the illusion of “I”, fear should follow. As fear arises in our mind, it is fed when we identify with it and make it “self”; when we say, “I am fearful” or “I am in a state of fear”. So when fear comes, make that the object of your awareness. Simply note it: “ Oh, its fear again”. It is in the moment of recognition, acceptance, and nonidentification that you can see how weak this mindstate really is. Fear arises, you note it, and in that moment of noting, when you no longer identify with it, it falls away (Goldstein). Fear is just a passing cloud; it is not part of you. It can’t be part of you because there is no you for it to attach onto. I am not fearful because there is no “I”. This whole illusion/mindstate of fear comes from the original illusion of “I”. Fear was created when the illusion of “I” was created. They both don’t exist. “JUST AM”. You don’t realize your innate freedom by saying, “I Am Free”, because in doing this you simply reassert the illusion of the non-existent or false “I”. You try to attach freedom to this “I” while at the same time try and detach fear from this same “I”. Your simply stuck in the game, stuck in the matrix. By proclaiming, “I Am Free” you’re attempting to attach freedom onto this false “I”, which is impossible because it does not exist. Rather you should just forget about the whole thing altogether, and just be. Forget about freedom, forget about fear, forget about the false “I”, and forget about the true “I”. Forget about it all; just be.
We should not eliminate the existence of I from choice, a flaw of much of eastern thought is the complete elimination of yourself. There is an I in the sense of choice. We chose, we act, we think, we have been created with free will. However the choice of eliminating the I and the fear and false necessities attached comes from the choice to accept love, the choice that comes from accepting being, from accepting reality itself. Once we accept that there is an is and will be, then we begin to lose the false sense of control, we begin to realize that maybe we don’t need so much. If we realize that we are loved, we are cared for, that we are taken care of in an eternal sense we begin to eliminate the illusion of fear. If we accept being, versus the pressure of doing we find ourselves in a state where there is no need for disappointment and depression. If we realize that the purpose of life is simply to be, to love and be loved, to know and make known God then in what context must we be without joy?
This is not a goal. It simply can’t be a goal, because it is a process of just is. It is but sitting in the presence of God, accepting the reality ahead and being. We can fall in and out of it, we can believe it one minute, live in it at one moment, and forget the next. We can return to illusion or we can accept Truth. When we lose our life, we find it. There will be hardships, there will be persecutions, there will be pain, however there will always be the choice of accepting joy. When we lose our life, we find it. There will be disappointment, there will be desire, there will be hurt, but there will always be the choice of accepting peace. When we lose our life, we find it. There will be distractions, there will be setbacks, there will be truths forgotten or misplaced, and there will be hate, but there will always be the choice of accepting love. When we lose our life, we find it.
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